How to Practice Acceptance

This week was supposed to be the start of my husband’s big trial in Salt Lake City. While the trial is only 10-12 days, the whole thing’s a 3-4 week process because they do witness prep and jury selection and a bunch of stuff before hand. He’s an intellectual property attorney, which in general is a kind of lawyer that never goes to court. The last time he was in court, I was being induced with my daughter, who is about to turn 10!

So this trial has been delayed multiple times by the court and by opposing counsel, but we forged ahead with the complicated planning that comes with two professional careers. I arranged my whole work schedule to fit around this trial, taking November off and then adding extra work in 2026. I also have a couple speaking engagements in 2026: the White Coat Investor 2026 conference in March, and the Revitalize: Physician Renewal Retreat in April. I added an additional temporary locums position to the mix because it presented a unique opportunity, and voila: everything was set until next May.

Well… guess what happened. They moved the trial again. To March.

And it is not a convenient time for my “perfectly designed schedule.”

So here I am, trying to add back November clinical work so I can then rearrange some of what I set up in the spring. Not all the conflicts can be resolved, so we’ll have to get creative with childcare. Part of what makes my work-life balance “work” is that my husband can be with our daughter when I travel… but not if he’s traveling too!

And all this gets to what I want to talk about today: acceptance.

It’s turning into winter here in the mountains of Utah, and as someone who’s pretty cold-intolerant and getting worse as I age, I’m having my usual hard time with it. For the first few weeks that it turns cold I will act like a jerk, complaining about the temperatures constantly and refusing to go on my regular walks outside because it’s just too unpleasant… until finally I accept that I’m not going to change the weather, I have to work with it, and I move on.

Why is acceptance important?

As we head into the holiday season, acceptance also seems like an important concept to incorporate into your life. This time of year comes with lots of changes, events and obligations outside our normal routines, and season-related stressors. Family get-togethers can bring up unmet expectations, old patterns of behavior related to roles we played when we were younger, maybe the need to explain why you have or haven’t achieved a particular thing by a particular age, interpersonal conflicts and the like. The end of the calendar year brings a push to meet business or work goals. You might be feeling like you haven’t done everything you told yourself you’d do this year. And also, like me, you might be sensitive to the shortened days and colder temperatures.

What resisting does to our health

Not accepting things as they are can trap you in fear, avoidance, and suffering.

You can imagine that the increased stress of resisting reality can negatively impact both our physical and mental health. It can lead to not making necessary changes to your physical health, like remaining sedentary instead of embracing outdoor exercise in the cold months. It can lead to anxiety due to trying to control everyone and everything. So let’s talk a little more about what it means to practice acceptance, and how you can improve your own practice.

What exactly is acceptance?

When I talk about acceptance, I’m not only referring to accepting things outside my control. I’m also talking about accepting myself the way I am: flawed and imperfect. In her book Radical Acceptance, mindfulness expert Tara Brach talks about the “trance of unworthiness” we can all fall into. And what it does is lead us to compare, strive for perfection, and want more and more things and achievements to feel worthy. I was just saying recently in my talk on authentic confidence at the Brave Enough Conference that one of the key thoughts of impostor syndrome is “I’m not enough”.

Instead, the concept of radical acceptance means being willing to experience both ourselves and the circumstances of our lives just as they are. Interestingly, acceptance does not mean being complicit in the situation. Two things can be true at once:

• You can love your body as it is but still be wanting to improve it through fitness and nutrition
• You can love and accept a family member engaging in self-destructive behaviors while disagreeing with their actions
• You can find joy in your present work-life balance situation while still seeking to improve it in some way

The key question

Whenever you find yourself resisting, ask yourself this key question: What is truly in my control? You’ve probably seen those graphics on social media with a big circle diagram… The items in the circle are under your control, and they include things like YOUR actions, your thoughts, and your words. Notice the theme here. Outside the circle of control is pretty much everything else: other people’s actions, other people’s thoughts, the weather, the future, the past, etc.

The two tenets of acceptance

So how can you start to practice acceptance in your own life? There are two key tenets: kindness and mindfulness.

Kindness

Kindness means being kind both to yourself and to others. In the example I gave at the beginning of this episode with my husband’s court case being moved, I failed to mention… the reason the trial move was initiated is the opposing counsel’s wife is dying of cancer and he’s her sole caregiver. If I hadn’t initially been wrapped up in my own first-world BS, I could have thought about it differently: how would I feel if this were me? Wouldn’t I want to go through the holidays with my ill family member and not spend a month in trial? And when you think about things this way, it saves suffering and distress.

Regarding kindness for yourself, you must learn to treat yourself the way you treat other people. If your spouse or child made a mistake or didn’t meet a deadline, would you tell them they’re a stupid, sorry excuse for a human being? Well then why do we say that kind of thing to ourselves? Don’t act like you don’t, I know you do. Everyone does this from time to time because we’re naturally wired to be self-critical, back to the days when our survival hinged upon not making mistakes. But times have changed. I like what Gretchen Rubin says: “treat yourself like a toddler.” Care for yourself, attend to your basic needs, be kind, and remember that you are worthy of being in this world simply because you’re human. If you want more inspiration on this front, go back to the Lean Out Podcast episode where I read Ch 6, called Human Being vs Human Doing.

Mindfulness

As you know, mindfulness is about paying attention to the present moment. Because, what is in our control? Only the present moment. If it already happened, it’s out of your control and you need to accept it. If it hasn’t happened yet, it also can’t be in your control. BUT: you can control your thoughts and your responses, and what better way to do that then to cultivate a practice of mindfulness. As I’ve mentioned before, having a regular mindfulness practice doesn’t have to look like some sort of perfect meditation session every day. There are a couple problems people fall into when they try to adopt a practice of mindfulness:

1. They think it has to look a certain way, so when they can’t meet that perfect picture, they give up and stop doing it. It can be short, like 2-5 minutes. It can just be doing a breathing exercise or taking a quiet walk. It can be inhaling the aroma of your coffee in the morning and savoring that while you sip it (without scrolling your phone). The practice can look different on different days, but consistency is key. Did you do something each day? Then you’re establishing a consistent practice.
2. They don’t schedule the time for it by using some sort of reminder, calendar entry, or habit tracker. Treat your short mindfulness sessions just like you would any other appointment or task you must do each day. Put it in the calendar or on your checklist of things for each day. Just because it’s short and for you, that doesn’t mean it’s not important.

You might be wondering how this is related to acceptance. When you are able to tap into your mindfulness skills, you’re able to realize when you’re stressing about something you can’t control, or something related to not feeling good enough. You’re able to observe your own thoughts. And that is a very empowering position to be in!

It’s a continuous practice

Acceptance, just like mindfulness and work-life balance and confidence for that matter, is a lifelong practice. It’s always something we can work on. You’re never perfect at any of these things, and you’re not meant to be! So give yourself some grace and try some of these practices.

What are you not accepting these days? Why is it so hard? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below!