home Archives - PracticeBalance

Disaster Preparedness and a Disappearing Blog

January 21, 2019 // by PracticeBalance// 8 Comments

Right around the start of the new year, I set out to change some structural things on my blog in the interest of SEO. My efforts to take the blog more seriously in 2018 led to a migration of all content from an outdated platform to a new, modern style. I spent more time writing. I spoke on a bloggers’ panel, attended a blogging conference, and developed a network of other writers. But tweaking the technical structure of my blog is my sticking point. Well, one day, I really messed things up, and every article I had written here for the past 7 years was just… gone. Poof.

I don’t know exactly how it happened, but it happened. A friend texted me and said, “Hey, did you know your blog is messed up? It’s like, gone.” I won’t go into much detail about exactly what I did because I don’t think there’s a lesson there; I doubt anyone would make the same mistakes I did in the same combination to achieve the same effect. All I’ll say is that in an effort to change my blog link structure, I broke all links on my blog, Googled the problem in true DIY style, and installed a plugin that was supposed to redirect the links. The effect was “catastrophic” (the term used by a WordPress expert I consulted after the fact).

When bad things happen, you can get frustrated/sad/angry/etc. You can say, “Why me?” or “Why was I so stupid?” OR you can figure out the lessons that are being presented to you. Here is what I learned from this “disaster”:

Let me first say that I’m aware there are MUCH bigger problems and losses. I’ve experienced loss and emergencies before; we all do, and you haven’t, you will. In this instance, what was lost temporarily was writing and creative work that I love. Yet, it’s still only stuff. I was able to maintain an air of detachment during the site downtime, which did become more difficult as days went by without a fix. But it would have been MUCH harder if my blog was a major source of business for me. I’ve both been lucky and worked hard to be in the place that I am, where I can be detached in a situation like this. In the end, things inevitably get lost or destroyed. People fall ill and die. We have to accept the reality of loss and live as much as possible in the present. I’m very proud of the writing I’ve done on this blog, but I would have been ok if it had disappeared for good.
I wouldn’t perform surgery on someone when I’m an anesthesiologist. Why would I try to solve programming issues when I can barely get my computer to work myself? If I’m really serious about my blog, I should spend money to have expert help with design and maintenance, so I will be doing this in the future. As a valueist, I’m all for doing things yourself when practical and appropriate, but there’s a fine line where you can get in over your head. I crossed it here, so I’m grateful for that lesson.
Back up your work! And get prepared! This situation, along with some posts by fellow bloggers, have inspired me to be more prepared for either virtual or physical disaster. I didn’t even have a method for backing up the posts on my blog, which I should have addressed much sooner. I’m now going to work with a WordPress expert to install a proper backup system. Luckily, composing posts in the WordPress platform has a built-in autosave function, but if it didn’t, I’d also be looking to write in Word or some program that has autosaves during the process of writing itself. We’re also going to spend some time collating important documents, passwords, and things so they’re accessible in an emergency. Physician on Fire and Miss Bonnie MD recently blogged about the importance of legacy binders as part of your financial plans. In addition, I’m inspired by the list of essentials to have available in emergencies from EJ of Dads Dollars Debts, who lost his entire home in a huge California brush fire. You can find his first post about the ordeal here. That harrowing experienced changed his whole outlook on things and has actually turned him into a minimalist.

Have you ever lost something very dear to you? Did you get it back, and if not, how did you deal with the loss and what did you learn?

Prioritizing Holiday To-Dos

December 17, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// 1 Comment

When I was a little girl, my standard response to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” was Wonder Woman. This was at the height of the character’s popularity. I loved her on TV (yes, I’m dating myself) and in comics. She could do anything, and of course she was beautiful.

There is no busier time of year than the holidays, and at the risk of making a sweeping generalization, it’s particularly busy for women. I know no men in any households that stress over as much holiday stuff as their female counterparts. The gifts… not just for immediate family but all sorts of acquaintances, teachers, employees. The house… not just clean vs. dirty but plain vs. cutesied up with all sorts of decoration. The other day I saw a post in one of my women physician Facebook groups that went something like this (paraphrased): “I need to outsource Christmas! I have no tree, no gifts, no cards, no advent calendars, no special pajamas, no family picture, no lights up. I’m screwed.”

Most of the responses were in commiseration. My comment was, “What if you picked just 1-2 of the things on your list that matter to you and your family the most. Ask them to help you, and forget the rest. You don’t need all those things to have the holiday spirit.”

I looked over at my 3 ft tall fake tree on the table with only one garland and a few (non-breakable) ornaments but no gifts yet underneath. My bare window sill. The cards I ordered sitting in their sleeve unopened… Then I turned my gaze to my toddler coloring at her little table. I got out my scissors and walked over. “Have you ever seen anyone make a snowflake out of paper?” I said. “I want to learn how to cut!” she said. The snowflake project ensued, and boom… Christmas decorations.

There’s precious little time left before Christmas, so just say no to being the “Wonder Woman”. What is this season all about to you? What traditions bring you the most joy? That’s what you should focus on, and ignore those urges for comparison and perfectionism. Take a couple of non-essential to-dos off your plate. For example, my Christmas joys are food and family time. We invite family into our home, and we often travel to see people this month. Even if it’s just our small nuclear family, we make a home-cooked meal of leg of lamb or whole chicken with other holiday comfort foods for Christmas day. We don’t do elaborate decorations. My husband doesn’t care about them, and my child just wants to fiddle with them (and break them). We go fairly minimal with gifts: only 1-2 items given per person, no big Santa extravaganzas. We try to buy as many gifts for extended family (all in different states) as we can on Amazon so they can just be directly shipped. No wrapping, no schlepping to the post office. And all the adult siblings decided collectively to not give each other gifts so we can focus on the children. Regarding parties, this year I chose to go to a couple smaller get-togethers that had attendees I really wanted to see and politely said no to the rest (particularly the more formal ones that required special clothing and babysitters).

The other piece of this is expectations. Be honest about your non-negotiables, but respect that others have their own priorities. If it doesn’t feel like Christmas unless you dress up and go see The Nutcracker, then make it known and say no to another event (or two). If you love holiday decorating but no one else in your family feels quite as passionate, do it yourself (I’ve done it) but delegate or outsource the Christmas meal. I used to have very specific expectations for how things should go on holidays or birthdays. No more… I let go of perfect, and I accepted that other people (even people who love me) have different levels of holiday interest. And nothing brings this into sharper focus than the blank canvas of a toddler’s mind: zero expectations or assumptions about Christmas. The only things she associates with Christmas so far are trees and presents. Nowadays, I have no interest in being Wonder Woman. Not now or any other time of year. I cannot do it all, all the time, while appearing perfect.

What are you focusing on this holiday?

Growing Up, Changing My Mind, and More Money Matters

December 3, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// Leave a Comment

Our daughter just turned 3 years old last week, and life with her can only be described as an amazing journey. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital on Thanksgiving weekend in a snowstorm. Yet, it feels like she’s been with us forever. How is that dichotomy possible?

*3 going on 13*
*(the sippy gives it away, I suppose)*

For so long, we craved the feelings of simplicity and freedom so much that we weren’t sure we wanted to have children at all. Sometimes I wake up at 4 or 5 AM to a loud but high-pitched voice yelling, “Mama! Mama! I wanna get up!”, followed by hectic mini scenes of eating, cleaning, bathroom, playing, cleaning, etc… and I try to remember what it was like to have a quiet morning of slowly sipping coffee and reading articles in silence on the couch next to my hubby.

At some point, the idea of “complicating” our lives for the sake of a unique family relationship and a type of love we’d never experienced before became something we wanted so badly. We knew lots of couples who had kids, both young and old, in addition to lots of couples who chose to keep their families at the count of two. I think deciding to have a kid, and correspondingly when to do it, is something that can’t just be argued logically. Even though we had talked about it off and on for years, the desire finally just… came.

I never really thought of myself as being very motherly. Yet now, it’s my most important identity. More important to me than being a doctor or a climber (two identities that are very often tied strongly to ego). She’s changed the way I think about work, about money, about education… and I’m sure she’ll be the driving force behind many more things that I change my mind on. In addition to my new interview series, I’m going to be starting a series of posts on things I was “wrong” about. These are not necessarily all related to parenting; watch for them to come on this blog in the future!

Today I’d like to share a guest post I wrote for my friend Miss Bonnie MD’s awesome site, which aims to empower women (particularly women physicians) to take control of their finances and find financial freedom. She’s a dermatologist with a previous career in finance who also woke up to the ideas of simplicity, balance and financial independence when she had her son (who just turned one). In the post, I talk about wanting to teach our daughter the ways of financial responsibility and value-ism. Check out the post here!

Here’s an excerpt from the first paragraph:
The other day, my 2 year old daughter asked, “Who gave us this house?” We both paused and looked at each other. “Um… No one. We bought it with our own money that we made ourselves.” This is the first time we had talked to her about anything related to money, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

When and how did you decide to have children (or not have them)? How have they changed you if you do have kids?

November Gratitude: Thankful For The Mundane Moments

November 12, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// 4 Comments

It was a typical Thursday at work. My cases finished quite early, and after a leisurely lunch (an unusual occurrence in my line of work) chatting with colleagues in the lounge, I was asked to give a couple more brief anesthetics in the cardiac clinic. Usually doing “safari anesthesia” for those types of sedation cases constitutes an eye roll, but it was only noon. All in all, it turned out to be a pleasant workday, and I got to leave relatively early. I took some time on my own for self-care (a rare treat on a workday) by getting a pedicure before picking up my daughter at preschool, and then we all had a nice dinner at home.

Nothing about this day was remarkable for me; in fact, it was particularly chill. Only for someone I work with, it turned out to be their worst day ever. Collapse in the OR, colleagues rushed in. Emergent intubation, hours in surgery. A devastating diagnosis followed by tenuous life vs. death days spent in the ICU. This person is slowly recovering as I write, but everything from now on will be different. Without divulging too many details, they are facing a very significant disability.

When I found out about what had happened, my first inclination was to feel guilty. How could I have had such a nice afternoon in parallel with the unthinkable happening to someone I know, someone I deeply respect and care about? It’s still haunting me, and I wrote my feelings about it in an emotional Mothers In Medicine post (if you missed it, you can read it here). From a broader perspective, this kind of thing happens all the time: a birth occurs simultaneously with a death, someone becomes the victim of a crime as another person is experiencing pure joy. Many of us remember what lame thing we were doing when the twin towers toppled on September 11, 2001 and thousands of people suffered (I was on an elliptical trainer at the gym). But it doesn’t exactly hit home until you know about an instance like the one I describe above. Something horrible happens to someone you know, yet you are off living your everyday life: concurrent yet VASTLY different experiences.

You can fight it, live in fear of bad things happening to you or a loved one (shoe-drop thinking), continue to struggle with comparisons and perfectionism, or you can accept this reality of life and what it teaches us: to be thankful for every mundane moment. I’m choosing the latter. Whether I’m doing everyday things that are pleasurable or chore-like, I’m choosing to notice a bit of gratitude. For every little smile my daughter flashes, every time she faces me and raises her hands, pinching the sky for me to pick her up. I hoist that 45 lb body gingerly in the air because, yes, she’s huge at just shy of three years old and I have a bad back… but I am capable of lifting her and she wants me to lift her (surely this won’t go on much longer). For every time I have to walk the dog in the cold… I’m walking. It’s cold, but I live in a beautiful place with four seasons. And after this, I can go warm myself in my own house that I own outright – an unusual and awesome thing.

I call this mindset #IGetTo (something I also wrote about earlier at Mothers in Medicine): I get to do mundane things every day! Try reframing your boring or tedious life activities like this – next time you’re stuck in traffic this busy holiday season, the sun decides to hide and it snows on you, or you have to stay late at work to finish that project before the deadline. You don’t have to deal with these things, you get to. And others might not be so lucky.

What everyday thing are you thankful about this season?