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Prioritizing Holiday To-Dos

December 17, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// Leave a Comment

When I was a little girl, my standard response to the question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” was Wonder Woman. This was at the height of the character’s popularity. I loved her on TV (yes, I’m dating myself) and in comics. She could do anything, and of course she was beautiful.

There is no busier time of year than the holidays, and at the risk of making a sweeping generalization, it’s particularly busy for women. I know no men in any households that stress over as much holiday stuff as their female counterparts. The gifts… not just for immediate family but all sorts of acquaintances, teachers, employees. The house… not just clean vs. dirty but plain vs. cutesied up with all sorts of decoration. The other day I saw a post in one of my women physician Facebook groups that went something like this (paraphrased): “I need to outsource Christmas! I have no tree, no gifts, no cards, no advent calendars, no special pajamas, no family picture, no lights up. I’m screwed.”

Most of the responses were in commiseration. My comment was, “What if you picked just 1-2 of the things on your list that matter to you and your family the most. Ask them to help you, and forget the rest. You don’t need all those things to have the holiday spirit.”

I looked over at my 3 ft tall fake tree on the table with only one garland and a few (non-breakable) ornaments but no gifts yet underneath. My bare window sill. The cards I ordered sitting in their sleeve unopened… Then I turned my gaze to my toddler coloring at her little table. I got out my scissors and walked over. “Have you ever seen anyone make a snowflake out of paper?” I said. “I want to learn how to cut!” she said. The snowflake project ensued, and boom… Christmas decorations.

There’s precious little time left before Christmas, so just say no to being the “Wonder Woman”. What is this season all about to you? What traditions bring you the most joy? That’s what you should focus on, and ignore those urges for comparison and perfectionism. Take a couple of non-essential to-dos off your plate. For example, my Christmas joys are food and family time. We invite family into our home, and we often travel to see people this month. Even if it’s just our small nuclear family, we make a home-cooked meal of leg of lamb or whole chicken with other holiday comfort foods for Christmas day. We don’t do elaborate decorations. My husband doesn’t care about them, and my child just wants to fiddle with them (and break them). We go fairly minimal with gifts: only 1-2 items given per person, no big Santa extravaganzas. We try to buy as many gifts for extended family (all in different states) as we can on Amazon so they can just be directly shipped. No wrapping, no schlepping to the post office. And all the adult siblings decided collectively to not give each other gifts so we can focus on the children. Regarding parties, this year I chose to go to a couple smaller get-togethers that had attendees I really wanted to see and politely said no to the rest (particularly the more formal ones that required special clothing and babysitters).

The other piece of this is expectations. Be honest about your non-negotiables, but respect that others have their own priorities. If it doesn’t feel like Christmas unless you dress up and go see The Nutcracker, then make it known and say no to another event (or two). If you love holiday decorating but no one else in your family feels quite as passionate, do it yourself (I’ve done it) but delegate or outsource the Christmas meal. I used to have very specific expectations for how things should go on holidays or birthdays. No more… I let go of perfect, and I accepted that other people (even people who love me) have different levels of holiday interest. And nothing brings this into sharper focus than the blank canvas of a toddler’s mind: zero expectations or assumptions about Christmas. The only things she associates with Christmas so far are trees and presents. Nowadays, I have no interest in being Wonder Woman. Not now or any other time of year. I cannot do it all, all the time, while appearing perfect.

What are you focusing on this holiday?

Growing Up, Changing My Mind, and More Money Matters

December 3, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// Leave a Comment

Our daughter just turned 3 years old last week, and life with her can only be described as an amazing journey. It seems like yesterday that we brought her home from the hospital on Thanksgiving weekend in a snowstorm. Yet, it feels like she’s been with us forever. How is that dichotomy possible?

*3 going on 13*
*(the sippy gives it away, I suppose)*

For so long, we craved the feelings of simplicity and freedom so much that we weren’t sure we wanted to have children at all. Sometimes I wake up at 4 or 5 AM to a loud but high-pitched voice yelling, “Mama! Mama! I wanna get up!”, followed by hectic mini scenes of eating, cleaning, bathroom, playing, cleaning, etc… and I try to remember what it was like to have a quiet morning of slowly sipping coffee and reading articles in silence on the couch next to my hubby.

At some point, the idea of “complicating” our lives for the sake of a unique family relationship and a type of love we’d never experienced before became something we wanted so badly. We knew lots of couples who had kids, both young and old, in addition to lots of couples who chose to keep their families at the count of two. I think deciding to have a kid, and correspondingly when to do it, is something that can’t just be argued logically. Even though we had talked about it off and on for years, the desire finally just… came.

I never really thought of myself as being very motherly. Yet now, it’s my most important identity. More important to me than being a doctor or a climber (two identities that are very often tied strongly to ego). She’s changed the way I think about work, about money, about education… and I’m sure she’ll be the driving force behind many more things that I change my mind on. In addition to my new interview series, I’m going to be starting a series of posts on things I was “wrong” about. These are not necessarily all related to parenting; watch for them to come on this blog in the future!

Today I’d like to share a guest post I wrote for my friend Miss Bonnie MD’s awesome site, which aims to empower women (particularly women physicians) to take control of their finances and find financial freedom. She’s a dermatologist with a previous career in finance who also woke up to the ideas of simplicity, balance and financial independence when she had her son (who just turned one). In the post, I talk about wanting to teach our daughter the ways of financial responsibility and value-ism. Check out the post here!

Here’s an excerpt from the first paragraph:
The other day, my 2 year old daughter asked, “Who gave us this house?” We both paused and looked at each other. “Um… No one. We bought it with our own money that we made ourselves.” This is the first time we had talked to her about anything related to money, and I’m sure it won’t be the last.

When and how did you decide to have children (or not have them)? How have they changed you if you do have kids?

November Gratitude: Thankful For The Mundane Moments

November 12, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// 4 Comments

It was a typical Thursday at work. My cases finished quite early, and after a leisurely lunch (an unusual occurrence in my line of work) chatting with colleagues in the lounge, I was asked to give a couple more brief anesthetics in the cardiac clinic. Usually doing “safari anesthesia” for those types of sedation cases constitutes an eye roll, but it was only noon. All in all, it turned out to be a pleasant workday, and I got to leave relatively early. I took some time on my own for self-care (a rare treat on a workday) by getting a pedicure before picking up my daughter at preschool, and then we all had a nice dinner at home.

Nothing about this day was remarkable for me; in fact, it was particularly chill. Only for someone I work with, it turned out to be their worst day ever. Collapse in the OR, colleagues rushed in. Emergent intubation, hours in surgery. A devastating diagnosis followed by tenuous life vs. death days spent in the ICU. This person is slowly recovering as I write, but everything from now on will be different. Without divulging too many details, they are facing a very significant disability.

When I found out about what had happened, my first inclination was to feel guilty. How could I have had such a nice afternoon in parallel with the unthinkable happening to someone I know, someone I deeply respect and care about? It’s still haunting me, and I wrote my feelings about it in an emotional Mothers In Medicine post (if you missed it, you can read it here). From a broader perspective, this kind of thing happens all the time: a birth occurs simultaneously with a death, someone becomes the victim of a crime as another person is experiencing pure joy. Many of us remember what lame thing we were doing when the twin towers toppled on September 11, 2001 and thousands of people suffered (I was on an elliptical trainer at the gym). But it doesn’t exactly hit home until you know about an instance like the one I describe above. Something horrible happens to someone you know, yet you are off living your everyday life: concurrent yet VASTLY different experiences.

You can fight it, live in fear of bad things happening to you or a loved one (shoe-drop thinking), continue to struggle with comparisons and perfectionism, or you can accept this reality of life and what it teaches us: to be thankful for every mundane moment. I’m choosing the latter. Whether I’m doing everyday things that are pleasurable or chore-like, I’m choosing to notice a bit of gratitude. For every little smile my daughter flashes, every time she faces me and raises her hands, pinching the sky for me to pick her up. I hoist that 45 lb body gingerly in the air because, yes, she’s huge at just shy of three years old and I have a bad back… but I am capable of lifting her and she wants me to lift her (surely this won’t go on much longer). For every time I have to walk the dog in the cold… I’m walking. It’s cold, but I live in a beautiful place with four seasons. And after this, I can go warm myself in my own house that I own outright – an unusual and awesome thing.

I call this mindset #IGetTo (something I also wrote about earlier at Mothers in Medicine): I get to do mundane things every day! Try reframing your boring or tedious life activities like this – next time you’re stuck in traffic this busy holiday season, the sun decides to hide and it snows on you, or you have to stay late at work to finish that project before the deadline. You don’t have to deal with these things, you get to. And others might not be so lucky.

What everyday thing are you thankful about this season?

Decidedly Non-Minimalist But Purposeful Packing

October 22, 2018 // by PracticeBalance// 2 Comments

*Packing more stuff can actually free you up to do the things you want to do on a trip*

I’ve been trying to incorporate ideas of minimalism into my life for a while now. My closet is smaller, I remove one chotchke from the hallway shelves every time I pass, I only buy books on rare occasions… But I draw the line at traveling with only a carry-on bag. Many friends boast (or even blog) about their minimalist packing strategies (especially those who travel for work), but despite my own dabblings in minimalism, I prefer to pack heavy. While we tend to love slow travel and ideal vacations in my family, I’ve recently gone on a couple of shorter trips (duration around one week) where packing heavy works just as well.

Maybe it’s the rock climber in me that doesn’t mind this, as I spent years taking month-long trips across the world schlepping pounds of ropes and heavy gear. Nowadays, it’s about realizing what I value most and bringing some of the comforts of home with me to minimize the stress and immune system load of travel. Some uncomfortable moments when transitioning from the airport or car is worth having some of the things I love about home. I’d argue that even if the airline is charging fees for checked bags, the outlay of, say, $20-40 is worth it to have certain things with you at your destination. Just don’t exceed 50 lbs per bag, or you’ll end up paying a high premium for oversize baggage!

Bring lots of snacks… and good coffee

It’s no secret that I like good coffee , so one of my hacks is to bring my own coffee setup. One particular holiday, three generations of my family stayed at a nice Las Vegas resort. There was one Starbucks in the entire lavish tower, located just adjacent to the casino. Standing in line for 30 minutes to pay more than $3 for over-roasted coffee in the smoke- and slot-filled lobby made me say, “Never again.”. And I refuse to make instant coffee in a plastic machine with water from the hotel sink. My coffee setup includes a small plug-in water boiler and an Aeropress coffee maker. Also, I pack a small water filter like this so that I can easily filter out at least the nasty taste that comes with most city water. Sometimes I bring the actual coffee and sometimes I buy it there, but it must be ground (unfortunately).

Because I value eating healthy food and don’t want to just eat any old junk food from a convenience store or restaurant, I always pack a big bag of snacks. This includes Quest bars (IMO the best low carb protein bar hands down), Chomps beef sticks, packets of olives, sleeves of salmon, good quality nuts, dark chocolate, etc. I also usually pack protein powder (you can get packets like these, but I make my own baggies out of True Nutrition plain protein powder mixed with powdered collagen, cocoa, and stevia). I just mix these with water or almond milk and have a built-in starter breakfast for the day.

Utilize the nearby grocery stores

Speaking of food, we have a standard practice of only eating out for dinner (if that) on trips like these. However, a non-negotiable thing I need in a hotel room is a mini fridge. Luckily, nowadays they’re very common in most hotels (and can be added to a room upon request). Then, on top of bringing the snacks I mentioned above, I’ll go to a nearby store and stock up on some fresh food items. As a side note, going to a local supermarket in a different city gives you a little glimpse into that local flavor you frequently miss on these shorter trips vs. a slow travel situation. Good things to buy include a few pieces of fresh fruit, some sort of milk, flavored soda water or other drinks, yogurt, deli meats, cheeses, and avocadoes. If you can find hard-boiled eggs, they work really well for breakfasts or lunches, too. Specialty-type grocery stores like Trader Joe’s also carry quite a few options for pre-prepared (but relatively healthy) food options. One of my favorite things to buy there when I’m traveling is pre-cooked chicken breasts.

With services like Uber and Lyft, it’s usually very easy to get to a grocery store even if you haven’t rented a car. If you’re traveling with kids, having these types of food available for breakfast and lunch can really help mitigate meltdowns as well. And it leaves you with more time to explore/do the things you traveled to do vs. going to a restaurant. Yes, it’s hard to mobilize children for a trek to the store, but you can always divide and conquer if you’re with a spouse or partner. With this strategy, you’ll eat healthier overall and spend less money during your trip while freeing up even more time to explore. Enjoy some dinners out at a few restaurants unique to the area!

Don’t skimp on clothes, but make them multi-purpose

For a trip of this length, I typically pack enough clothing to not have to do laundry. Who wants to spend half a day at the laundromat or in the hotel basement when you could be enjoying yourself or learning something new? Doing this, however, requires bringing more clothing. Depending on where you’re going (and what the weather’s like),you can probably re-wear some of your clothes during the week. For my recent conference (which was not formal), I brought enough tops for each day, alternated between two pairs of jeans, and threw a skirt into the mix. I also had one outfit I could wear to work out and a pair of shoes I could easily do exercise in. For kids, all bets are unfortunately off, but at least their clothes are smaller and could conceivably be washed/hung to dry in a hotel bathroom! I always pack a small amount of multi-purpose soap that can be used for this as well.

Clothing is, however, the one area that I’ve found I consistently overpack. I bring too much because I don’t know what I’ll be in the mood to wear, and I need to work on this more! A few observations I’ve noticed recently:

Strike a balance between casual and fancy, and you’ll most likely be able to wear it anywhere you have to go.
Wear dark colors so that everything goes with everything else and it doesn’t look as dirty if you need to re-wear it.
Rubber shoes are AWESOME. I love Havaianas sandals and Crocs ballet slippers. Both can be dressed up or down, are super comfortable and washable.

After I became a mom and we downsized our living space, I got rid of a lot of superfluous clothing. The more I proceed along this path, the more I refine my style and find clothing that works for me in many ways.

Other packing tips

With my method of mini-fridge eating, I always make sure to bring some picnic type utensils (I like these bamboo ones but there are other “camping-style” utensils), a bag of bags or something like Bee’s wrap for leftovers, and some sort of large bag (cloth or garbage-size plastic) for dirty laundry. For fitting all your stuff in your bags, I recommend packing cubes (something like these). I never had these before, but after having a kid, I find that they really help to organize and compress items when packing in large suitcases.

If you have a young child like I do, I recommend getting a car seat bag and throwing a packing cube or two (if necessary) onto the car seat. These bags are not as secure as a normal suitcase (usually they have a drawstring closure and are kind of floppy around the car seat), so I’ve found them most useful to hold an additional cube of diapers, clothing, stuffed animals/kid toys, or something similarly light.

To make your stay in a hotel room more comfortable, try to minimize the amount of crap you leave strewn about the floor. Just like at home, I find that less visible clutter makes for a more soothing experience when you’re in the room. Take out your packing cubes and place them in the drawers or on the shelves/benches, and stow the large pieces of luggage away in the closet. Bring a sleep mask for the night-time to make sure it’s nice and dark during your slumber. If you tolerate them, wear earplugs so you don’t hear guests walking and talking in the hallways or city noise. I also have a satin pillow case I can slip over the hotel case so that my hair gets a bit less ruffled up at night. That may seem a bit “princess” to you, but anything that will make you more comfortable/sleep better in unfamiliar conditions will help make your trip less stressful and more enjoyable!

What about you? What do you bring when you travel for a few days to a week? Do you pack light or heavy? Do you look forward to or dread staying in hotel rooms?

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