Feelings I’ve Experienced in 2021

2021 has been a year full of change, all with the intention of living my theme word of 2021: align. But what does it feel like to align with your life vision and values? It’s a mixed bag.

Here are some stand-out feelings I’ve experienced in 2021.

What it feels like to step off the cliff of your comfort zone

They say to see big changes and reap big benefits, you’ve got to step out of your “comfort zone”. I not only stepped out of my work-life balance comfort zone this year… I stepped off the cliff.

After studying medicine, completing specialty residency training, and then working on the physician staff at the University of Utah for a cumulative period of more than 18 years, I finally left the institution completely.

I did slowly approach the edge of that cliff, though. I went to half-time in 2016, then did a 9 month sabbatical to travel and investigate locum tenens work in 2019. In the midst of the COVID landscape, I then realized I wanted a an even bigger change.

It still took me a while to separate from U of U; I tendered a resignation in mid-2020 but agreed to continue in a short-term locums-type capacity until summer 2021.

It’s a great place, and I had a great job. But no job situation is perfect, and I needed a change in order to continue to grow professionally. By the time I completed that last week of promised shifts, I was really ready. Now I’m loving the increased freedom of my current work situation. Yes, it was uncomfortable at first. But the rewards for me have been worth it.

What it feels like to live in a close-knit community

After leaving Utah and looking all over the western United States for alpine property, we chose to return to the picturesque state as our forever home. We fell in love with a particular piece of property that has multiple small communities nearby. There’s a thriving and growing college town down the hill, a small resort village further along the highway, and even a micro community of cabin dwellers (mostly seasonal) right along our little dirt county road.

How well do you know your neighbors? We lived on a residential, non-busy street for almost 20 years in Salt Lake City and barely knew more than one set of neighbors. Contrast this with our current situation, where the homes are miles apart yet we’ve already met many of the nearby landowners.

Partly because of the remote nature of the place, people tend to check on each other. We even text back and forth when we’re not in Utah.

“What’s the road like today?”

“Hey do you know if it snowed last night up there?”

“Do you get any phone service up on that hill?”

Living in larger sized cities for most of my life, I’d never interacted with people in such close-knit community settings. Relationships are key. Reputations are important. People are very bound to their word. And they want to help you.

In 2022 we hope to expand our participation in these communities as we spend more and more time on the land. Which brings me to my next feeling…

What it feels like to be in limbo… again

So we moved out of Utah to Nevada and now back to Utah. Kind of.

Starting a homestead on that beautiful property with the wonderful close-knit communities hasn’t been all fun and games. Earlier this year, I wrote about some of my frustrations trying to get settled in this popular post. Because we’re still working on the infrastructure and gear needed to live and commute in an alpine winter, we’re not fully there nor here. We’re in limbo.

The feeling reminds me of some other times in my life. Residency. Infertility. Even just the way I sometimes felt at the end of a long trip.

Maybe you have this goal, a desire, or a place you want to be, but you’re far from the realization of it. You want it badly, but you can’t just snap your fingers and make it happen right now.

Those two words – right now – are the key to dealing with limbo, though. If you’re feeling “in limbo”, you’re not thinking in the present moment. Because limbo only happens when trying to link the past with the future.

So instead of being frustrated with limbo or longing to move on, I’ve been saying to myself (and my family): What can I appreciate right now?

What it feels like to be violated

Fairly recently, I had my wallet stolen… right out of my purse, which was sitting in a shopping cart at the grocery. The thief then proceeded to jet over to the Apple Store and attempt to make thousands of dollars of purchases using my cards.

I got really lucky. All purchases were declined by my credit card fraud departments, and no other transactions were attempted (to my knowledge). My wallet probably landed in some garbage can at the mall, but I was never able to find it.

Nevertheless I felt angry, violated, and extremely put out by the inconvenience of having to replace IDs and cards and things. But I was mostly angry at myself. I’ve been lax with my purse on more than this occasion. I often look away from it or lazily leave it places while doing something else. I also forget to lock the car doors sometimes. I just haven’t cared enough to be vigilant… until now.

Sometimes you need a lightning bolt to jolt you into action on bad habits you’ve been ignoring.

Also, take it from me: be observant about what’s happening around you! You never know when you might need to recall a detail. Carry as little sensitive personal material as possible. (Did I need to have 4 credit cards, my medical license, and other membership cards in my wallet? Probably not.) Keep your credit on freeze and your PIN away from your ATM card. I managed to do those things correctly at least!

What it feels like to be helpful in a different way

With my transition to more sporadic clinical responsibilities, I’ve really had the opportunity this year to expand on my other interests. And this in turn has meant that I’ve helped people in lots of ways other than by taking care of them in the operating room.

My 1:1 coaching on lifestyle design has expanded.

I was able to complete a coach training program in a very effective mindfulness framework.

I started working on a book.

I’ve appeared on podcasts.

I gave talks to fellow coaches and physician groups on positive intelligence, self-knowledge techniques, and the mindset of financial freedom.

I spoke with numerous doctors who are considering a transition to locum tenens work like I did.

And most recently, I’ve begun a completely self-directed project of exploring the unique issues around being a physician with infertility. This sparked when I conducted a survey of women to get ideas for my upcoming presentation, but it’s turned into much more. I’ve written one very well-received piece to help amplify the voices of women physicians with infertility, and I’m now designing my first ever group coaching program based on what I’ve learned.

Of all these endeavors, only a couple of them were paid.

When your work products aren’t tied to revenue, it’s easy to dismiss them and feel like you aren’t doing something worthwhile. But you’re still helping.

2021 Key Takeaway

All these things I’ve described are new, different, or uncomfortable. But these types of feelings are what lead to great growth and insight. Here’s to 2022!

What’s a new thing you did or feeling you felt in 2021? Reflect on it by leaving a comment below!