Is It a Failure or a Learning Opportunity?

So. 

For months, I’ve been talking gangbusters about how I’m going to give this talk on infertility to a large audience at a major medical conference. I talked about it here, in my newsletter, on my social media, etc.

I recently gave the talk, and I want to share my experience with you.

The White Coat Investor Physician Wellness and Financial Literacy Conference was held last week at the dreamy JW Marriott Desert Ridge in Phoenix, AZ. The venue is beautiful; it’s perhaps the nicest resort I’ve ever stayed at. WCI really stepped up their game this year.

I prepared for hours by researching the topic. I performed literature searches, spoke with physician friends and colleagues about their own infertility experiences, and even administered my own survey to women physicians. I analyzed the overwhelming number of responses. I designed the slides. I formulated my talking points and rehearsed them repeatedly. 

The “failure”

On the day of my talk – which also happened to be my birthday – I strutted down to the conference hall in a dress and smart wedges, my makeup and hair on point, adorned with my best jewelry.

I stepped into the expansive room peppered with numerous chairs. 

That for the most part were never filled. 

There were probably 12 people in the audience. I made a joke and proceeded with my talk, answered questions afterwards, and moved on with my day.

Based on an informal poll of my fellow speakers later on, I figured out that my presentation was probably the lowest attended talk at the conference. 

Once I realized this, I felt a mix of emotions. I was disappointed at what this lack of turnout might say about physicians – that even we medical professionals who “see it all” don’t want to think or talk about infertility.

I may have had the idea in my mind that my talk was going to be the turning point that changed the shame and stigma of infertility in the physician community.

Learning from failure

The other part of me wasn’t surprised at all. It’s a difficult topic for many reasons, individual to each person. Another conference attendee who also happens to be a life coach summed it up well: “You can’t change other people’s shame.”

While I’m drawn to the raw and vulnerable stuff of life, not everyone feels the same way. A very self-aware friend who did attend my talk shared with me afterward, “I realized at one point during your talk that I was looking around wondering if other people in the audience thought I was there because I have infertility.”

Because of my past experience as a patient in crisis, staring into the barrel of a gun loaded with significant morbidity and mortality, I’ve stripped away any worries about what my colleagues think of me. For others, this process may take a long time or may never happen.

I’m not going to change something so stigmatized in our society with one lecture. But I will keep sharing honest, imperfectly human and unfiltered stories so that maybe I can inspire others to do the same.

Why it wasn’t really a failure

The talk itself went really well. I didn’t fall off the stage, stumble on my words too much or experience any wardrobe malfunctions. It was a challenge to speak in front of a live audience again after almost two years of virtual work, and the small audience helped me relax.

I chose not to feel nervous or interpret the low attendance as a reflection on me.

I was chosen to give a talk on infertility at a traditionally male-dominated conference. Jim has really worked to expand his WCI audience by hiring more diverse speakers on a variety of wellness topics. Others spoke on divorce, nutrition, neuromodulation, and mindfulness. Because his conferences are packaged into CME courses, many people will see my talk on video, watching in the safety of a private space, and will hopefully be impacted by it.

I credit my inner work on self-awareness, emotional agility and mindfulness as keys to not reacting negatively to this situation. I truly did not feel stressed or worried that it said anything about my speaking ability or my worth. It was merely an excellent learning experience. 

What about you? Have you ever had a failure or potentially embarrassing moment that you were able to view as something beneficial? Share your experience by leaving a comment below.