Create a Life You Don’t Have to Escape From

After a little break from creating content, I’m baaaaaack!

The last episode of Lean Out was released during Christmas week. After that, my family and I had a quiet Christmas and New Year on our property, which was increasingly becoming colder and snowier.

Luckily, we had a few trips to warmer climates planned for this winter.

We winterized everything in the mountains and then headed to the desert. We visited family in the Phoenix area; we pretty much make a winter trip there every year for this purpose. Then, we went on a 6-day trip to Cabo San Lucas, MX. After that, we were off to Florida, where I spoke at the White Coat Investor conference. After the conference, we stayed in western Florida to explore the Crystal River area for a few days and decompress from the conference.

Sprinkled in between all these trips, I completed some clinical work at my per diem anesthesia job in Las Vegas, and I continued to do some coaching. All this to say, my life nowadays is not the kind where I “need a vacation” because breaks and changes of scenery are built right in.

Vacations vs. Trips

What’s the difference between a “vacation” and a “trip”? The way I see it, a vacation implies an escape, living it up, or living a different kind of life. Whereas, a trip is travel where the main purpose is the experience. Over years of travel as an adult, including multiple overseas climbing trips, RV trips, a sailing adventure, and even a cruise, I’ve realized the type of travel my family engages in is definitely the trip kind.

The difference isn’t just, vacations are luxurious and trips are not. You can do a trip in a luxury location – like we just did in Cabo. The difference is more in the mindset. A vacation feels more urgent. You have to fit everything in, because the time away and whatever feelings it brings with it (relaxation, excitement, novelty, etc) are finite. Then It’s back to reality. A trip takes the good with the bad. It is more focused on the experiences, so the sense of urgency isn’t as great.

This difference is driven by burnout and the cult of business we see in Lean In culture. It’s difficult enough to carve out the time for a vacation when you’re in this atmosphere. In fact, there was a recent JAMA study that polled physicians about there vacation habits. 60% took less than 3 weeks per year off, and more than 70% said they work while they’re on vacation anyways.   

I came across a post in a Facebook group where the original poster proclaimed, “You know you’re burned out when …” and asked others to fill in their comments.

The answers to this update were both hilarious and sad at the same time. So many people resonated with the concept, including me. I remember a day when I really identified with some of the responses. Here’s a look at some standouts:

• When you celebrate patient no-shows.

• When Amazon packages start arriving every day.

• When going to the dentist is relaxing.

• When you look forward to your colonoscopy just for the day off.

• When the main thought in your head is “please stop talking.”

• When you look at someone doing a brainless job (cashier, etc.) with a little bit of envy.

The last one really resonated with me. I remember during residency having envy for the ultrasound techs and other medical staff. Then it was the barista at Starbucks, the clerk at the local gear shop. I wrote about this in Lean Out.

But I’m not there anymore. I still enjoy my work, even when there are hard or long days, because I don’t work nearly as much as I used to and the amount I work feels right for me.

When we were in Cabo, part of our stay in a luxury hotel was sitting through a timeshare presentation. We’ve done this a couple times, and we aren’t interested In timeshares. But I was struck with this most recent one because the salesperson asked how often we take vacations, what our dream vacations were, etc. I am living my life like some people take vacation.

This is why I wrote my book, why I speak to others and do a podcast.

I want everyone to design a work-life balance they don’t need to escape from!

So do you resonate with either of these types of travel? Do you take vacations or trips?

I’m not saying you have to live a lifestyle like mine in order to have this. So starting where you are right now, what are some steps you can take to shift that mindset from scarcity and needing breaks from your life to abundance and living the life of your dreams?

Steps You Can Take Now

• It starts with awareness. Does what I said about vacations vs. trips resonate with you? When I described the differences, what did you think about the way you travel? Are you burned out, in survival mode, and in need of escape from your life? If you are truly on the end of the continuum of burnout, you need to get some help now. I suggest discussing this with a friend, trusted colleague, therapist, or coach. You can contact me through my website and we can discuss your burnout.

• Identify your energy gains and your energy drains. Make a list with two columns: one says Energy Gains, and the other says Energy Drains. Put detailed things from your work and your life in each thing. Making this list again increases awareness of what activities in your life can be go-tos when you are stressed, and what activities do you need to be very diligent about self-care when they happen?

• Visualize your ideal days. I love to do a visualization exercise like this with clients or in workshops. What you do is visualize your ideal workday, and separately, your ideal day off. Go through each day in vivid detail from the moment you wake up to the moment you get ready for bed. Similar to energy gains and drains, this helps you to identify things that you really don’t want in your life. It can also direct you to move toward adding the elements from your visualization that aren’t there now. Lots of little steps are possible: changing your schedule, changing your roles, increasing time spent with family, and even making an effort to go on more trips.

• Consider your rules. Do you HAVE to: do this particular job, commute an hour, live in a particular city, send your child to a private school to the tune of 10s of thousands of dollars, etc. In general, unwritten rules people live by are things like, “to be a good doctor, I must _____” or “to be a good mom, I must _____”. I challenge you to write some of these down and think about them like this: 1) Is this rule true? 2) Where did this rule come from? 3) What would happen if I break this rule? What could my life look like?

• Up your mindfulness game. With a regular practice of mindfulness, you will increase your ability to observe your thoughts and feelings in the moment. This superpower, when continually practiced over time, allows you to whether the storms of emotion that can occur when your balance is tipped, during stressful periods, or just when you experience those day-to-day energy drains. So how do you develop a mindfulness practice? Lots of things you’re already doing can be turned into mindfulness practices. You don’t have to sit on a meditation cushion every day in silence, though that’s definitely one type of practice. Things like turning your morning coffee into a ritual, spending 5 min journaling each evening before bed, walking your dog… these can all be mindful. I’ll link an article I wrote a while back about everyday mindfulness techniques for busy people in the show notes.

What do you think? Does your travel look like vacations, trips, or some combination of both? Why? Do you agree with my distinction here? Leave a comment below and let me know!

(A version of this post appears in the Lean Out Podcast. You can listen to it below.)