Practice Self-Care Using the Five Love Languages

Flowers. A quiet night at home. Surprise outings. A love note.

Which of these expressions of love appeals most to you?

How do you show love to others?

One of the assessments I recommend to people on a self-knowledge journey is the Five Love Languages. I know, it sounds unrelated to self-knowledge. It sounds woo. But contrary to what you might think, it isn’t just useful for romantic relationships.

Knowing your predominant love language will help you navigate all relationships, including the most important one – the one you have with yourself. It’s a key piece of understanding you and your thought patterns. Recognizing your own uniqueness translates to a greater understanding and acceptance of others. Overall, you’ll improve your relationships with yourself and the important people in your life!

The Five Love Languages are:

• Words of Affirmation
• Quality Time
• Physical Touch
• Giving/Receiving Gifts
• Acts of Service

Let’s talk about how each love language can be used in a regimen of self care.

Words of Affirmation

This happens to be my predominant love language, and that makes so much sense. I’ve always loved to write, to journal, and to receive letters. I wrote in a diary from an early age, enjoyed sending thank you notes to grandparents living far away, and had many pen pals.

Writing to yourself or others might be an obvious expression of this love language, but here are some less obvious ideas for using Words of Affirmation in a self-care practice:

• If you want to set an intention for a period of time, try choosing a one-word theme. This is a word you can say, write, and use when you feel like you’ve lost your path. For example, if you’ve got an upcoming trip overseas, your word of intention might be explore.
• Consider using mantras when/if you meditate. When I was going through infertility treatments, I loved using mantras this way. And if you’re not into “chants”, you could just talk to yourself! I do it all the time (much to the dismay of my husband). Once I took the 5LL test, I understood why. When I do this, I’m being kind to myself.
• Do you love music melodies and lyrics? Singing in the car can be a cathartic style of self-care. Another option would be to spend an evening reading beautiful poetry or prose.

Quality Time

Some people really feel uncomfortable being alone. Quality Time with yourself could seem scary… unless it’s your love language! To show yourself love, you could find a babysitter, put all commitments on hold and the phone on Silent mode, and spend some time alone doing something you love. Take a hike in the wilderness, spend time in the sun, or even just take a nap.

Another way to spend quality time with yourself is to take yourself “on a date”. Yes, you could go out to dinner or a show, but you could also take a class to learn something new. Do something out of the ordinary… by yourself. (BTW, this nugget works well when being with a loved one whose love language is Quality Time – it’s known that sharing new experiences helps bring couples closer together).

Physical Touch

If your love language is physical touch, the touch of another human being is what first comes to mind. But there are other ways to care for yourself besides hugs, massages, and sex. Just taking a yoga class – or doing any sort of mindful movement for that matter – generates touch sensations. Comforting temperatures and textures could also be incorporated into a self-care regimen, such as one of my favorite things to do at night after everyone has gone to bed: an epsom salt bath. A really soft blanket, robe, or slippers can also give the illusion of touch. ASMR (autonomic sensory meridian response), the science behind which is discussed in this podcast, is also something to explore if this is your love language.

Giving/Receiving Gifts

Gifters must walk the fine line of self-care and overindulgence. “Treat Yoself” is a common meme, but how can Gifters navigate their love language without going off the rails? Buying yourself simple treats – food, flowers, etc. – is fine, but you’ll likely have to set up some rules around this. Lots of things can be considered gifts with just a simple shift of mindset: the gift of time to do something just for you (see Quality Time above), cooking yourself a healthy meal, or even simply going to bed early. Saying No to something you don’t want to do can also be a gift to yourself.

Acts of Service

This is my husband’s predominant love language. At first, I didn’t get it… until we took the quiz together. So many things made sense after that! I’ve never gotten a lot of flowers or presents from him, but he makes me food and coffee and fixes things without complaint. And whenever he wants me to grab something for him in the kitchen and I initially roll my eyes, I try to correct my thoughts to remember this.

How can you apply this language in service to yourself? Self-love for you is going to the gym, scheduling that checkup appointment, and completing a daunting task or chore. Cleaning and organizing your space. Working on a home improvement project.

It makes sense that Acts of Service people will find meaning and happiness themselves when serving others, so volunteering or helping can be self-care as well. As long as your bank account is full, using your love language – whatever it may be – on other people can mean love and care for yourself.

Self-care is defined in many ways, and good self-knowledge can help to identify the best methods for you. What self-care modalities here appeal to you? Take the quiz and comment below!

Do you feel lost and overwhelmed with trying to be and do all the things? Need help learning who you REALLY are? I’m now offering 1:1 coaching to assist on your journey to intentional living. Book a complimentary discovery call here.