This January, Look Back to December

Happy 2023! January is always a refreshing time – to make a new start, to try new habits, or to focus on new challenges.

I commonly write a January post about goals, productivity, or personal development. In 2020, I wrote about embracing a growth mindset and doing hard things. In 2021, I offered my word of the year as an antidote to traditional resolutions. And in 2022, I discussed one thing we could all do more of: rest.

I could talk today about how my word of the year is Share, how I’m excited to share my new book with you and start new endeavors like a podcast and a Youtube channel for yoga practices this year. But instead, I’m going to take this time to do something people typically do in December.

I’m going to reflect with gratitude on the things that matter most.

Rewind to Early December

I was talking to my mom on the phone, and they had just returned from visiting my Uncle Bill and Aunt Carolyn in California. Carolyn, who had been placed on hospice for metastatic breast cancer earlier in the year, was not doing well. “Honestly, I don’t know how much longer she’ll be here,” my mother said.

During pivotal years of my childhood, Bill and Carolyn had been like a second set of parents to me and my sister. Their son, Nate, was more like a brother than a cousin. We all lived in the same city for a number of years, but as the nuclear families spread to surrounding states, we all remained close by meeting for yearly family trips. Time marched on, children grew into adults, and we found ourselves separated even further geographically. Nate moved to New York, I moved to Utah, and my sister continued to live in Arizona. Bill and Carolyn spent stints living in places like Germany and Wisconsin, finally retiring to southern California. My parents remain a state away in Arizona. But on the rare occasions we all got together, it was as if no time had passed nor miles had separated us.

“What can I do to help?” I said.

“There’s nothing you need to do,” my mom reassured me. At this point, nothing would change the hands of time.

You can’t predict when someone’s going to die, but my mom’s assessment of Carolyn’s state sparked something in me. I knew she wouldn’t want a whole bunch of people descending on her to throw a “pity party” (her words, not mine). I also knew I needed to get to California to see her – SOON.

I immediately called my sister and concocted a plan: Does she want to go with me to California for a couple days? I was working in Las Vegas next week and could either fly or drive from there. How could we arrange logistics and convince both our husbands to watch our children in the midst of the holiday bustle?

An Impromptu Visit

We made it happen, and it was wonderful. My sister drove 5 hours to meet me the morning after my work assignment ended. We then drove another 5 hours and arranged for a hotel near my aunt and uncle’s place. We spent time doing Carolyn’s favorite things – playing card games and dominoes. Despite her being forgetful and quick to tire, she still exhibited her trademark deadpan quips during our matches. She even won some rounds.

My sister and I enjoyed walks by the bay when she needed to rest. We made sure Bill he had the support he needed. We all reminisced about past visits, shared photos of our children, and discussed our plans for the future. Carolyn was excited for her one and only grandson to visit a few days later.

She died last week.

So this January, I’m still thinking of December. I’m thinking of how glad I am that we made this last-minute effort to go visit Aunt Carolyn. I could have easily put it off. I was tired from a week of 12-hour days at work. It’s too difficult and costly to travel near the holidays. I’ve still got Christmas presents to wrap. Etc. etc. etc.

I want to remember, in this new season of improvements and fresh starts, what really matters most.

“How we get to the end of our lives with minimal regrets: We choose well.”

Joshua Becker, Things That Matter

What were you doing last December? Where was your priority? I’ll bet it had something to do with family and loved ones. Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below.