A Dream That Made Me Question My Path

(Note: If you’d rather listen to this article as a podcast, click here.)

Last night I had this dream.

I was attending a conference with some of my other doctor blogger/coach/entrepreneur friends, and the scene turned into my classic “anxiety dream”: I had to be somewhere, had to meet some people, but I just couldn’t get there. Something kept holding me back. I lost my hotel room key, I couldn’t find something, I needed to go to the bathroom… on and on. My friends were moving on without me.

By far, the most common type of “bad dream” I have is like this one. I need to be somewhere or do something, yet I’m unable to meet the task. I’m sure many of you can relate!

Whenever I have a vivid dream like this, I think about what I was recently doing or reading that might have brought it on. Turns out, right before I went to sleep, I was scrolling social media.

I know, this is a bad practice for many reasons. Yet it’s also one I tend to fall into from time to time because I don’t get around to checking social media until the day is done.

As an aside, whoever made up the “rule” that as an online business owner, you need to be checking social media every day?

Anyway, I happen to see some photos and recaps of a recent conference attended by members of said doctor crowd. The conference was all about generating passive income, with the premise that doctors should be finding avenues to make more money.

I’m not against this concept at all; I understand that our profession comes with a high debt burden, and the hours of effort put into clinical work don’t always match up to practice salaries. Physicians suffering from burnout and general stuckness often look to nonclinical means of making money, so they can then make improvements to their work-life balance like cutting back on clinical hours.

But do they ever find that balance, or do they replace one job for another? Sometimes the answer is to take things away – not add – for improved work-life balance.

What is enough – in terms of achievements and in terms of money?

A few years ago, I was inspired by this same community to do more in a business sense with my longstanding blog. I coauthored a book chapter, I went on people’s podcasts, and I started doing speaking gigs… but I never sold anything or pursued sponsorships. Because I received several inquiries at a conference I spoke at, I got involved with coaching – which I love doing. And I’m very grateful for the connections I’ve made and inspiration I’ve received.

Creativity expert Chase Jarvis argues that promotion is part of the cycle of putting creative work out into the world. But my aim has never been to generate substantial revenue, with my creations, with real estate investments, or with any other venture.

Am I missing out by not jumping on the bandwagon of “passive” (whatever that means) wealth building? After a lot of inner work, I know myself well and have a clear vision of the kind of life I’m designing. But as evidenced by my dream, I’m subconsciously wondering…

In contrast to my nighttime dream, my day yesterday consisted of working with my daughter on her homeschool lessons, driving to our nearby town for her jiu jitsu practice, and then meeting a bunch of moms (some with kids in tow) at the house of another local homeschool mom. This woman’s entire garage has been converted into a bouldering cave. The three walls and the ceiling are peppered with climbing holds of all shapes, colors, and sizes, and the floor consists of one thick gymnastic mat. She opens the garage door, and everyone comes and goes in an afternoon free-for-all.

We do this every week, and I so look forward to it! Since my family left Salt Lake and its vibrant climbing scene, I’ve missed having a close-knit climbing community. This fills that void, and then some. We take turns trying hard, chatting, and spotting each other. We discuss everything from climbing moves to other fitness pursuits to our kids and families.

I missed last week’s session because I was traveling for my monthly clinical work assignment, but no one asked about that. They don’t care. In this group, I’m just another mom. Not a doctor, not a work-life balance expert, not a wealth builder or a business owner.

And so here I am, each foot in two different worlds.

It’s uncomfortable sometimes, but I know I can handle it and I have no regrets.

Sometimes I think of phasing out my presence in the “physician wellness” space, because I don’t really fit in with “the in crowd”. But I continue to share, on my own timetable and in my own way, because I enjoy creating and teaching and inspiring other professionals to find and follow whatever unique vision they have for their own work-life balance, despite what others are doing around them.

In a way, this dream solidifies that I’m on the path I’m meant to be on.

it’s hard to go against what other colleagues and friends are doing – whether it’s working less, doing less, making less, or just being recognized less. So what are the keys to forging forward and embracing your own journey?

• Self-knowledge: knowing your values, your “why” and what you really want
• Self-awareness: examining rules you’re following and thoughts you have that may not align with your path
• Challenging yourself to spend time in stillness, try and adopt different mindfulness techniques that work for you, and let the clarity develop as you practice.

It takes confidence and conviction to lean out. And while these can be cultivated, they must constantly be practiced.

Do you ever feel like you spend time in different worlds? How do you feel about it? How do you build your confidence?